Maybe I Should Grow Some Patience

I’ve been a little flustered lately. Work is way too demanding and home is a bit stressful. My life feels like a jigsaw puzzle with too many pieces. I can’t figure out how to make everything fit. I feel like I’m constantly missing the mark.

In June, I literally worked over twelve hours day and got no more than three and half hours of sleep a night. In July, I was playing catch up, trying to reorganize. In August, I got dumped on. Someone is leaving in the office and I have been assigned half of their work. I’m also hiring two new people on my team and my lead is going on maternity leave for the semester. The Energizer Bunny is being mischievous because he’s restless, which is understandable because it’s been too hot to go outside for long and it won’t stop raining. I am frazzled. My dreams are getting crazy and a little distressing. I just want to feel okay. Instead I feel like my life is in a constant state of vertigo.

After one too many distressing dreams I think it’s clear that my body is telling it’s me tired of my constant stress and anxiety. Like a hamster on a wheel, I spend all day running through my options. But that only causes my anxiety to spike. When you are at a breaking point, it is easy to fall back into old habits. Old habits are safe–even if they aren’t good for you–and they are predictable, ergo something you can control. I am fighting against that right now. I don’t want to fall back into the abyss of stress headaches, insomnia, and intestinal distress.

So, what’s the solution? I know I need peace, but how do I get it? I’ve been thinking that maybe patience is the key. I have a well laid out plan. I’m executing it. Yes, I am currently experiencing some setbacks, but I am holding steady. So, what now?

Wait…

Waiting in action, yes, but wait none-the-less. I have never been awesome at waiting. Waiting until the end has always been a stress point for me. The beginning is exciting, and the middle is uncomfortable. The almost there is downright painful.

Are we there yet? Am I there yet? What will happen next? What do I need to know that I don’t know? What setbacks will I have? Will I get through them? What’s coming for me around the corner?

See, my brain is exhausting. I’m exhausted.

Patience. I need more patience. And maybe I need stronger faith.

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