Happy Love Yourself Month!
February is winding down quickly. So far, we’ve talked about loving yourself first and being proud of your scars. But we have not discussed the foolish ones who do not appreciate us for who we are.
It is a sad fact of life, but not everyone will love you or even care if you are okay. Those who do love you will not always see or appreciate all that you bring to the world. And there will be those who simply do not see you at all, no matter how many cartwheels you do.
You know what? That is okay!
There is a shirt that I’ve seen online that I really want. It says, “I’m not for everyone.” And that ladies and gentlemen is the most honest truth of our existence. In early childhood, we try to get along with everyone, and we believe everyone is our friend, or at least that is the goal. But we learn very quickly (by first grade at the latest) that it is simply impossible to be friends with everyone. You are not for everyone. Nor is everyone for you.
I am not just referring to romantic relationships, though those tend to leave the largest dents in our hearts. However, familial relationships, friendships, acquaintances, and coworkers can all cause pain. Each can cause self-doubt and frustration.
Takes those nicks from the perspective of, “Welp, I am just not for everyone.” Perhaps it is you. Maybe it is them. Or it’s just the situation. Either way, what is has happened, and what will be will be.
When dealing with toxic or neglectful relationships, sometimes distance is the only thing that will store our equilibrium. Sometimes you need to lose someone to learn how to love yourself.
This happened to me with my father. As excruciating as it was, distancing myself from him was the best decision I have ever made. It ripped my heart in half. Then again, the poor thing was already torn and battered from our broken, mostly nonexistent relationship. Taking that pain then saved me from unfathomable pain later.
Just as you are not for everyone, not everyone deserves a permanent spot in your life.
Beyoncé said it best. “Why don’t you love me when I make me so damn easy to love?” That is, I think, the part that often hurts the most. Not the betrayal, but the molding and compromising one does to make a relationship work. That is not to say you should not compromise. That is stupid. In relationships, you should not settle, but there most definitely will be compromising. The problem comes when one person always draws the short stick. That’s not compromising; that is being steamrolled.
If you have ever asked, “Why don’t you love me?” click the link for the song, and don’t forget to sing the end with feeling. “Maybe you’re just not the one, or maybe you’re just plain dumb.”
And for those of you who prefer to skip the explanations and give those unappreciative folks the kiss off, Justin Bieber has the perfect song.
Either way, keep loving hard. The world needs it. An open heart is stronger than one that is walled off. When you find the people who are supposed to be in your life, you’ll laugh about all the misfits who didn’t belong that you cried over.
Love yourself and the people closest to you. Everything else will happen in due time.
Photo by Daria Shevtsova