Question. Do you feel you are worthy? What does worthy even mean? Good questions, right? Here’s one more. What is the difference between worthy and deserving?
Now, answer the first question again. Do you feel you are worthy?
This week, I was given a journal prompt that asked me to reflect on the word worthy and describe any feelings about it. As the first two journal reflections in the energy clearing challenge were difficult, I immediately assumed this one would be easy. After all, I love myself and have never suffered from prolonged low self-esteem. Clearly, I know I am worthy. Right?
I am part of divine plan.
With a smile on my face, I began to write. I am worthy because I’m a hard worker, a caring leader, a good mom, and compassionate wife, and a loving sister.
What I had defined as worth was actually me qualifying why I am deserving. Worth is this deep, internal, undeniable nugget of reality. It is supposed to be involuntary, like breathing. Instead, I quantified my worthiness by my market value. In essence, some time ago, I slapped a dollar sign on my ass, and the price goes up or down depending on my usefulness. Useful, like the engines on the Island of Sodor.
The question remained. Did I feel worthy? Am I worthy? And the answer was startling. It depends. Internally, yes. Spiritually and intellectually, I believe wholeheartedly that I am worthy of my existence, freedom, and unconditional love.
I have a right to be myself.
Externally… Well, turns out that’s a tangled web. When it comes to the outside world, my feelings mirror that of my soul. Accept me or don’t, but I am here, and I will own my space. When it comes to my inner world, my family and friends, I’m back to determining whether I am deserving instead of worthy. Deserving, even by its official definition, denotes receiving something that is earned or owed. For me, there’s an invisible checklist. Did I disappoint my husband? Did I miss an urgent call from a friend in need, or was I not attentive enough? Did I prioritize work too much and diverted time away from my son? If the answer is yes, then no, I am not worthy this week. Maybe next week will be better.
I am worthy. I am enough.
People like me, helpers, like to use a set of concepts to help elevate and inspire ourselves and others. Words like self-esteem, self-worth, worthy, deserving, self-love, confidence, self-respect, pride; these are so overused that they have become synonymous buzzwords. People throw these terms around every single day, and the meaning gets lost. Yet, most words have multiple meanings, and these are no exception. More, if words can have multiple meanings, it is understandable that these terms also have multiple meanings to an individual. These aren’t as simple as us helpers make them seem.
Let’s be real, the most complicated relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. And that’s okay. Humans have many layers, even the psyche is multilayered. So, it is possible to love yourself but struggle with confidence. Or be confident but have trouble asking for what you deserve (meaning earned). What matters most is that you eventually bring all those pieces into alignment so that you don’t feel fractured.
I am worthy just as I am.
My situational worthiness is perfect example of a complicated relationship. I am giving, strong-willed and confident, but only sometimes feel worthy of unconditional love. That is the definition of convoluted and is clearly a byproduct of my family history. In fact, I was already in the process of addressing those issues before I received the journal prompt, so I’m glad it came up.
Let’s go back to the first question, and before you answer this time, strip yourself down of all your years, scars, shoulds, regrets, and successes. You are an infant, brand new, and innocent. The scorecard of life has not been created yet.
I am complete.
Are you worthy?
The answer is yes. You are worthy of everything that life promises, joy, love, and fulfillment. You are worthy of these things, no matter what you have or have not done. You are worthy because many moons ago, the stars aligned to ensure your creation and survival. Think about all the things that had to go right in order to get you here. Think about all the things that did not happen to keep you here. And now you are here, alive! And that in itself makes you worthy.
For many of us, it is hard to believe. Even as you read these words, your mind is throwing you a bunch of images and memories in which you were not your best or did not make the best decision. You are reminded of the time in elementary school when you picked on that kid who looked different, and the time in high school when you should have stood up for yourself but didn’t, and also that relationship that left scars on your soul that still exist. You are thinking about your bank account and unfulfilled dreams and goals. And with each negative memory, you are subtracting from your worthiness.
I am worthy of love and acceptance.
Maybe you are a habitual cheater, and you do not deserve a relationship until you work on yourself. Maybe you have been lackadaisical at work and do not really deserve that promotion. Or maybe you have not been the best partner or parent, and you need to reprioritize. Or, like me, you have ignored your own needs for way too long.
None of that detracts from your right to feel worthy of living freely in love and light. Who gave you that right? The Universe. When did you get the right? The instant you took your first breath.
If your sense of worthiness is lacking or all tangled up in other aspects of your being, there are things you can do to change that. I suggest writing about it. Oftentimes, writing will bring up a key situation or feeling for you to unpack. If you do not like writing, find the Voice app on your phone or computer, find a private space, and speak about it.
I love and accept myself for who I am.
The second suggestion is to meditate and visualize loving your inner child, pouring unconditional love and acceptance into your inner child. My goal is to do unconditional love meditations featuring all my life stages, not just my inner child, and I would suggest the same for others.
Lastly, try affirmations. You can try the affirmations quoted throughout this post. However, I found it is more powerful to counter your own negative stories. Take elements of your reflection and turn them into affirmations. For example, my affirmation is “I am worthy because I exist, not because I am useful.”
Remember, gold was precious long before someone priced its value. It is precious and priceless simply because it exists, and so are you.
Photo by johnhain