I’d like to just vent for a bit. I cannot speak for others and will not try to one this one. I am beginning to find that one question super-duper toxic. Like, when I read or see it in books or movies, I can feel my energy retract. When I think about it, I feel small. “What if it doesn’t work out?” is getting on my nerves, along with its twin, “Will it work out?” and its cousin, “I’m hoping it works out.” I am tired of the whole damn family! More importantly, I am tired of using them.
What if it doesn’t work out is an overused, loaded question. It’s probably the most disempowering question in the world. Now, I, for one, am too much of a badass go-getter to ever utter the words out loud, but they cycle in my head on a loop whenever I am about to make a significant change or take a leap of faith. I can say for sure that it holds me back. Or, more accurately, it is a clear signal that I am about to hold myself back. I think it, then I lower my expectations or make a small move instead of the big one I was planning before that stupid question tripped me up. It is a shackle to fear and stagnation.
I am not judging anyone but myself. My life traumas have left me with a deep-seated need for security. I love guarantees, particularly when it comes to finances. I love when things have a beginning and ending and fall into place nicely. I love security. I’m not the person who will put all my money on a casino table hoping to win big. I play the penny slots. Quarter slots are too expensive.
It’s not that I play small; I play thoughtful. Remember, I have plans A-G already. But when it comes to decisions that may affect my security (i.e., a business), I have to prevent myself from getting locked in fear. That is when what if it doesn’t work out begins to cycle on a loop.
However, it occurred to me that I never ask if it’s going to work out at work. No, that heinous, heavy question is reserved for the adventures of my personal life. At work, I want things to go well. I’d like them to go as planned, but I am not tied to the outcome. One way or another, things will be what they are, and all I can do is my best.
I guess I’m wondering what the obsession is with everything working out. To be clear, when I say I want something to work out, I mean I need it to be idyllic. It needs to go as planned, be well received, and above all, it cannot fail. Working out means something sparkly and positive. Working out also means, sometimes, desperately holding on to the old.
Now, I know how life works. One of my first core beliefs is everything that happens is meant to be. I also believe everything in life is a learning opportunity. In reality, everything works out one way or another.
But I absolutely do not want to “fail.”
Ugh, I am so sick of myself.
Why does everything always need to work out? The better question is, why do I define working out as ideal or perfect? Why can’t I apply my life perspective to myself? Is it absolutely necessary to be bound to the outcome? Why can’t I be tied to the experience instead? I wish I could say I am open to the experience and lessons and leave the fear and stress behind.
That’s it. That’s the rant. I wish I had a resolution, but I don’t. So, I think I’ll just leap and let the experience unfold.